Ah, winter! How you brighten the world with your snowy glow and rip the flesh from my throat with your sinus infections! Children laugh and rejoice in your powdery goodness and sculpt carrot-wielding armies of snowman-soldiers — all ripe for training to beat down the drunken fratboys of Michigan with their precious, hand-made ice-cudgels.

It seems about time we output another piece of music…possibly one that embodies the spirit of this season — the time when Christmas is over, but Rudolph sticks around to repeatedly bludgeon your tender skin with his frost-clad antlers.

When at first you can’t complete an album, change your genre dramatically. At least that’s the formula we follow. While we’ve got over two hours worth of music recorded and in the process of being mixed, we sometimes get bored with the mind-numbing process of editing and decide we want to do the fun part again. So here’s a new piece of music, originally called “Deep” by Rob Ogden and myself (a sly reference to Rudolph’s frost-antlered stabbing), but now called “Damp Triangulum” for reasons unknown. Enjoy the hell out of it.

“Damp Triangulum” by Pretend, Pretend. Photograph by Wesley Norman.

Those of you who love recycling are likely to faint from the pure joyshock of today’s story, just as I did. There’s a little old school house buried deep within the hedges of South Dakota, and rather than surrender it to destruction, a lady named Kim Keiser is in the process of renovating it into a new music and theatre venue currently known as the Star School Project. She’s brought me and a painter named Derek Van Gieson along to fashion a Web site for it, and it’s going quite well thus far. Below is a photo of the school, and beneath that is Derek’s artistic rendering of it, which I then get to tweak in the world of animation. Not a lot of details are readily available at the moment, but as the project takes shape in the coming weeks, I should have a good deal of additional information to share. Until then, Kim has a blog that’s worth checking out, in which she’s written on a number of different topics. The latest is an extensive article dealing with the problem of a new Hyperion oil refinery being built in Union county, which she’s taking an active part in opposing.

The Star School – currently in the renovation process.

Derek Van Gieson’s drawing based on the above photograph.

Don’t look at me like that. I know I missed publishing this episode last Monday, but my car got impounded for unknown reasons. I never asked why because I didn’t want to complicate matters. Complications tend to arise when the police discover that you’ve been driving without a valid driver’s license for four months. Their eyes grow like giant, moist chicken breasts. Ripe for the saucing. And roasting on an open flame.

Why did I not have a license? Because the impenetrably stringent legal system at the Iowa DMV states that an Iowa driver’s insurance card is not sufficient evidence for proving that you actually live in Iowa. So what does qualify as proof? A check from an Iowa employer. It’s a shame that I’m working for people in Nevada, North Dakota, and California at the moment. So without a license, I couldn’t change the plates to my name when I bought the car last year, which means the only person who could get it out of the pound was the previous owner, who graciously helped me free my vehicle.

Then, after narrowly dodging a ticket in that situation, I was pulled over for expired registration and got ticketed on the way home, while narrowly avoiding a night in jail. So if this chain of escape-followed-by-ironic-recapture holds up, it means that when I go to pay this most recent ticket I will be pulled over again and actually spend a night in jail, where I will narrowly escape being assaulted by a fellow prisoner. And so, friends, this ongoing war between me and irony itself is why episode three of “Tod and Bob” is being posted this Monday rather than last.

At the end of this season, Bob’s chair will be auctioned off on eBay for charity.

One of the things I’m thankful for in my job is the opportunity to work with other artists, like Michael Pickard. I’m currently in the process of making a Web site for Michael’s art, music, and videos. As it progresses, Michael has sent me more of his drawings, and I found one of his latest to be particularly enjoyable. It’s called “The Fool on the Hill”, which I get to compliment with a bit of animation. (I suggested that Tod and Bob skirmish with the fellow sitting on the hill, but Mr. Pickard was for some reason uninterested in this epic, unforgettable battle.) The still version of Michael’s work is below and I hope you enjoy it. When the site is finished, I’ll probably put up another post so you can see the final product.

“The Fool on the Hill” by Michael Pickard.

The “Sunken City” of San Pedro offers a unique ocean-side experience where the majesty of nature collides with the disheveled wreckage of graffiti-ridden asphalt. Years ago, a mudslide swept a block of ocean-view real estate off its cliff-top throne and down into the deep (actually I wasn’t there, but that sounds convincing enough to be true for me). Anyway, the roads are now all that remain, and even they are in shambles––gorgeous, gang-stained shambles. In all honesty, I found the blending of nature with these not-so-ancient ruins to be overwhelmingly striking. And thus I would be quick to thank the many drug-induced artists for their colorful contributions to the otherwise bland slabs of concrete. Actually, the artists may have been completely sober. The scene just made me wish I was on drugs…no, wait. It made me feel like I had already shot up…three times with a needle full of heroin and wheat grass. Yep, that’s it. And then, out of the sky, came Jack Frost (played by Martin Short, of course), and he took me by the hand and led me to the Sunken City and told me that it was the new playground for angst-filled teens and the perfect place to slip and crack my skull open so that the blood could spill out onto the painted asphalt and trickle down the cliff into the ocean and get washed away by the foaming waves…and it would be so…so…so friggin’ emo and pretty. Just like Coheed and Cambria. So, if you’re in the area of “SoCal,” you might just want to stop by the Sunken City for a sober, yet satisfying journey that will leave you wishing that someone was filming a movie about your emo-erotic death.

Graffiti-Covered Concrete (also my favorite flavor of ice cream)

Squirrely & the Skull-Capped Gangstas’ Easels Over Ocean-View

Some Buddies Basking in the Cracked-Out Ruins of the Sunken City

Some Unrelated Punks, obviously hunting for weed.

Scattered Slabs of Painted Asphalt

Fractured Remains

Jungle Meets Jericho

Industrialized Nature

A Combination of 10 Images for a Full View of the Sunken City

Ocean Rocks Off Cliff

Spider-Weed Sprout

A Hill You Don’t Roll Down

Rock Shelving

Glistening Stone

I Did a 1080º Off This

I very rarely get excited about anything on television. This is likely partially due to the fact that I don’t watch much television, but 12 oz. Mouse was a wonderful 11-minute spot of joy for me each week when it aired on the Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block back in 2006. Now, finally, the DVD has been announced and can be pre-ordered from the Williams Street online store for a mere $12! All 20 episodes have been strung together into one giant movie with new scenes created to transition between episodes. The DVD also comes with two bonus episodes, a documentary, promos, fan art (possibly including my own), and more. A little over a year ago I got the opportunity to interview writer/creator/voice actor Matt Maiellaro (of Aqua Teen Hunger Force fame) about this hilarious little gem and he had a lot of detailed information to share about the low-budget show’s development. Not only is the show frequently hilarious, but it also develops a rather complex plotline over the course of its two season run, which is extremely rare for a show on the Adult Swim block. As far as absurdist humor goes, the show is top-notch. If you’re looking to check it out before buying the DVD, you can still catch re-runs of episodes on the Adult Swim Web site and check out my collection of episode reviews.

12 oz. Mouse horizontal DVD art by the artist at Robotcult.

After a surprising break from their touring streak, Unwed Sailor will be hitting the road again this March in support of their upcoming album, Little Wars. I’ve added a bunch of dates to the tour page on their site, so if you care to catch a bit of instrumental rock in the coming months, head over there and work a bit of ganderization upon those dates.

Photograph by Jaret Farretusco.

In preparation for a live performance in Hillsdale, Michigan, I am currently preparing an illustration of a mechanical tree in a few different formats. This image is actually the title of a new piece of music and the plan is to print it out on the programs that are given to people who come to watch. Later on, I’m planning to make a full-color version of this to print for album art for the live recording (if the recording turns out well). For now, you can take a look at this small, grayscale version of the tree made for the concert programs.

Pencil drawing for a new Make-Believe Machines composition.

Normally I don’t take a lot of photos, but last week a friend encouraged me to wander outside on a particularly beautiful, foggy night. As a result, I was able to get a few nice shots of the streets and trees surrounding my current home in Hillsdale, Michigan. Below are three of the ones I like the most.

Three trees on the Hillsdale college campus.

A fog-laden street just outside the house I’m staying at.

A circle of hedges on the Hillsdale college campus.

Just a brief note but the new picture rotater on the main page now gives you the ability to click on an image relating to a story and then be transported to the related site. Give it a shot if something looks interesting.

Screenshot of CardboardCanary.com with the new picture rotater.