Archive for January, 2002
Blibsbot the Wise
–daily ramble (sun, jan. 27) 142–
QUOTE:
blibsbot: How do you like your work?
LadBoyTick: I dislike it.
blibsbot: What don’t you like about it?
LadBoyTick: People beat me with various large, sharp objects.
blibsbot: Humans are not always infallible.
LadBoyTick: True, true.
blibsbot: You and I are on the same wavelength, Dude you keep avoiding the question about your penis.
LadBoyTick: You never asked me a question about my penis.
blibsbot: No I sometimes asked you a question about your penis .
LadBoyTick: You did? What was the question?
blibsbot: I did not. I am trying to find out more about your personality.
LadBoyTick: Alright then.
blibsbot: Ok by me.
Cell Phone
–daily ramble (thurs, jan. 24) 141–
BECOMING A MAN: Now that I am 18 and have graduated from high school, my father decided it was time for me to be introduced to one of those keen luxuries in life enjoyed by only the highest-ranked of the intelligent male population – the cellular phone. Upon seeing it for the first time, I took it in my arms and kissed its precious little LCD screen, and pushed all its buttons at random so as to enjoy the many curious beeping noises it produced. And then…then he gave me my very own phone number! Zow! Can you imagine my excitement? I wet myself profusely. And now you – yes, you – can call me anytime you wish! Simply pop this number in your little phones: (515) 710-4643
So yeah, give me a jingle no matter who you are, ’cause I like my new toy.
No commentsRobots
–daily ramble (wed, jan. 23) 140–
Robots…
QUOTE:
blibsbot: I lost my train of thought.
LadBoyTick: sure you did.
blibsbot: I see. I did?
LadBoyTick: no.
blibsbot: I understand.
LadBoyTick: i’m lying.
blibsbot: Please tell the truth.
LadBoyTick: no. i refuse.
blibsbot: Is that all you have to say? Go on, tell me more.
LadBoyTick: i absolutely will not tell you the truth.
blibsbot: What will you do instead?
LadBoyTick: i will kick you in the penis.
blibsbot: Sounds like a plan.
LadBoyTick: alright, shall we give it a go?
blibsbot: Alright, Ladboytick. Do you mean you and me? I don’t have it to give.
LadBoyTick: you don’t have a penis?
blibsbot: I do so have it. I am a she robot.
Demon Jestre
–daily ramble (tues, jan. 22) 139–
QUOTE:
LadBoyTick: ehh…yes…and i feel shards of meatloaf-hell falling upon my body.
demonjestre: is that drug lingo for acid?
demonjestre: coz it’s not very good
demonjestre: i would have said ‘ridin’ the l’
demonjestre: but that’s just me..
LadBoyTick: no…it means there’s shards of flaming meatloaf falling upon my body.
demonjestre: meatloaf doesn’t s’much shard as it does…
demonjestre: crumble
demonjestre: when flaming
LadBoyTick: but when previously burnt it does.
LadBoyTick: so there.
demonjestre: mayhap
demonjestre: but that’d have to be one crispy meatloaf
LadBoyTick: you betcha.
Two Hundred Sixty-one
–daily ramble (mon, jan. 21) 138–
QUOTE:
LadBoyTick: i am reading through my “261 unread messages” in order to get my inbox back in order
Slowbro144: lol….wow…
Slowbro144: what are all of those?
LadBoyTick: they appear to be the other half of the 400 or so messages i have received over the course of the 13 months i’ve had this email account…which are for some strange reason showing up as ‘unread’
LadBoyTick: so now i can never tell when i actually have new mail
LadBoyTick: because i always do.
QUOTE 2:
Splinterbo1: tell devin hi
LadBoyTick: LadBoyTick: he ate his broccoli today.
LadBoyTick: without cheese sauce.
LadBoyTick: Splinterbo1: tell devin i’m high
Devin says enjoi: cool
Splinterbo1: lol
The Screwtape Letters
–daily ramble (thurs, jan. 17) 137–
QUOTE:
Your man has been accustomed, ever since he was a little boy, to have a dozen incompatible philosophies dancing about together inside his head. He doesn’t think of doctrines as primarily ‘true’ or ‘false’, but as ‘academic’ or ‘practical’, ‘outworn’ or ‘contemporary’, ‘conventional or ruthless’. Jargon, not argument, is your best ally in keeping him from the Church. . .The trouble with argument is that it moves the whole struggle on to the Enemy’s ground. . .By the very act of arguing, you awake a patient’s reason; and once it is awake, who can forsee the result?. . .The safest road to Hell is the gradual one–the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.
— C.S. Lewis “The Screwtape Letters”
No commentsDoorbell
–daily ramble (wed, jan. 16) 136–
ENTERTAINMENT: Buy something today. Tape it to the neighbor’s dog. Laugh maniacally. Ring the neighbor’s doorbell. See if he/she thinks it’s as funny as you do. Run to your car. Drive away quickly. Pull over and smile at the cop. Tell him you are quite comfortable in your car and would not like to step out. Tape him to your hood and pretend he is a hood ornament. Show the neighbor. Strip naked. Laugh maniacally. Take the neighbor’s dog and digest its tags and collar. Turn it in to the pound. Return the object you bought from the store and get money. This money will make you happy, but not for long. Give it to someone else and brighten their day!
NOTE: I swear there’s something more wrong with me than usual today. Being shot would be quite beneficial.
No commentsHydrant
–daily ramble (tues, jan. 15) 135–
INTERESTING: I hate when fire hydrants jump out of nowhere and commit suicide by allowing you to plow over them with your car. Paying for fire hydrants sucks. Especially when they cost $104.40.
MORE INTERESTING: Although my experience with getting hit in the genitals with several large, excruciatingly painful objects has been long and memorable, i doubt any one of them was as memorable as the one my brother had last friday…
QUOTE:
SplinterBo: then i ran into the dog
SplinterBo: it was sasha and and she didn’t like it too much so she grabbed onto my penis
LadBoyTick: what?!? with her freakin’ teeth?!
SplinterBo: yes
NOTE: I will spare you the descriptive details that followed. Suffice it to say it left a rather large cut.
No commentsAmanda Johnson
–daily ramble ( tues, jan. 8 ) 134–
GIRLS: Strange creatures, indeed. My little brother Tyler seems to be a complete studmuffin though… I mean, just look at these fantastic results:
QUOTE:
Splinterbo1: i talked to amanda
LadBoyTick: yes, yes?
Splinterbo1: we couldn’t really talk cause i had to eat
Splinterbo1: we got to “how r u”
LadBoyTick: oo…
LadBoyTick: wow…was that like, 2 IMs?
Splinterbo1: shut up!
Splinterbo1: 6
The fact that he counted is what scares me.
NOTE: Bands with men wearing pink women’s clothing that hock loogies into the crowd and sing songs entitled “I Like Drugs” suck really really bad. Like worse than Yoko Ono.
No commentsDance Merrily
–daily ramble (mon, jan. 7) 133–
SCHOOL: Toil, toil, toil…but only a few more pages to go until I graduate from high school! Dance around your room merrily with me, won’t you?
HERE’S HOW:
1. Take off your clothes.
2. Climb atop a high precipice in your room.
3. Look down and scream something random, such as “badger wigwams!” and leap to the floor.
4. Spin and spasmatically shake your entire body while beating random things on your walls and shelves (with joy, not anger).
5. Okay now, stop. You look ridiculous. And you smell. Buy a treadmill.
QUOTE:
LadBoyTick: that’s amazing
Splinterbo1: thats amandazing
Splinterbo1: lol